How to stop spending time that you do not have, doing things that you do not like, with people who are not interested in? Answers of the writer Sarah Knight.

Once my colleague and I waited for a bus after a working day. I was cold, sad and wanted to climb under a blanket with a cup of hot tea. We went to the nearest coffee shop, where I, choosing between ordinary black tea and Latte, asked a colleague if she was also to take something. “You will not fall asleep from caffeine all night,” she said, “maybe it’s better to take one herbal with mint for two? »

When I still froze in a stop after a few minutes, but already with a paper glass of hot drink in my hands, I only dreamed

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of a large cup of black tea with lemon and sugar.

I offered to take a sip of my friend, but she refused. A wave of indignation rolled upon me. Why did I spend so much money on tea that I did not want? And why do I spend my strength and energy on making pleasant to other people?

All my life I wanted to like most of all. I like it when someone decides for me where we will go dinner. Moreover, even if he chooses a Chinese restaurant, and I am not a fan of Chinese cuisine. It’s easier for me to meet in the evening next to my friend’s office than to choose a place somewhere in the middle. And now for a year now I have been spending my money and time on events like a city marathon, where I have been in the crowd for four hours to look at how my friend is running by. And I know that I’m not alone in my thoughts. So why are we doing this?

The American publisher and writer Sarah Knight, the author of the book “Magic Pofigism: how to stop steaming about everything in the world and become happy now” (“The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving A Fuck”, Little, Brown and Company, 2015)to this question. Feeling guilt, a sense of duty and anxiety. They force us to devote ourselves to things that we do not need, deeds that do not have time, and people that we do not like, refusing to do what we would do with pleasure.

How to change the situation? “Turn on the do not care! – the author offers. – You need to stop worrying about what other people think. We cannot manage this and cannot influence this in any way. All that you can control is your behavior « .